ME, MYSELF, and I :)

Yet.

Yet, you know you’re my first Jess…

…you’ve never been a second choice, niether an option.

I always put you first…always. And you know that.

You always wanted me to be there for you, and I tried my best. I tried my absolute best. It seems, like I just wasn’t enough still.

…you wanted me to prove myself, and as I tried harder and harder…it only pushed me further away from you without even knowing it.

I don’t know if the things I say anymore still matter…

I don’t know if you still care…

…I wish we could start a new beginning. ♡

Thinking.

It seems that when I try not to think about her…the harder it really is to get her off my mind.

I honestly can’t go a day without thinking about her though…

…ever since she called that one day I can’t stop thinking about the things she told me.

Things like…

“I honestly think about you every day…”
“I miss you…”
“I miss hanging out with you…”
“I miss hanging out with your friends…it was fun”

There’s not a day that goes by and I wonder to myself…”hmmm…what if I invited her to come hang out and what not?”

…Thing is, I don’t want to ruin anything with the situation she’s dealing with. It shouldn’t even really be my issue or problem. However, she goes to me when she really needs someone to talk to…

It may seem like she’s using me…but I know how she feels, maybe not entirely but a good enough understanding. I’d probably do the same thing if I were in her shoes…

This girl is honestly amazing to me…she’s pretty, she’s realistic, she’s active, and the way we talk is similar.

I love how she gets along with my friends and I only have to give her the chance to get along with my family as well…

I love how she plays basketball…

I love the way she talks because she likes to get her point across. She repeats herself, but doesn’t really know it…as if she’s ret-elling the story. It’s hard to explain…

She’s definitely pretty…in my eyes at least. Others will say this or that, but she’s enough for me and that is what matters the most. I love her smile and her cute giggly laugh. haha. I love how petite she is. :P

Of course I still have a lot to learn about this girl…but she’s given enough for me to gain strong feelings towards her. Enough for me to care a lot for…enough to say “I like this girl a lot…”

I can’t get enough of this girl…

Her name is pretty also. haha. Yeah it’s a name…but it fits her well. :)

Chassidy Mckayla Saechao <3

…sometimes I feel like I’m thinking about the impossible going after this girl.

We’ve created a timeline together…it’s not the biggest but it definitely has a story behind it. :)

I swear, the moment I had set eyes on her…I just had to have her.

I’ll probably post the story later or something…it’s definitely long. haha. But I don’t mind re-telling this story over and over.

…I never would of thought that she would mean so much to me.

I’m really falling for this girl…and hard. <3

I won’t say I love her though.

…the thing is, I don’t know where all of this will end up.

I’m definitely waiting…but how long can I honestly wait for this girl…

Every relationship has its ups and downs right…?

…But as of right now, you have no idea as to how much I miss this girl. She made me so happy and SOOO Happy that even my friends could see the joy in my face. She gave me a reason to look forward to the upcoming day as I might share another day with her in some way or another…

…to be continued.

Thoughts.

Missing you…

Every single freakin’ day…

…trying to rid myself from these feelings is so difficult. I may not be dwelling as hard as before, but I admit that the pain is still a lot. It hurts…

What I don’t seem to understand still is why you just didn’t tell me how you felt from the get go rather than waiting…pretending…and ending up putting so much more pain than you thought.

My heart sinks every single time I think about it…

I don’t know how things would work out if we were together again…I honestly don’t know.

I try to stay close to you…I try to be friends…but in your head, you don’t even give a lovely fuck anymore I guess. We’re nothing anymore…and you make me see things differently.

You say you didn’t change…you say everyone is selfish. But the thing is, the girl you were when we broke up was definitely not the same girl I met and grew closer towards. Everyone is selfish, but you didn’t have to stoop so low like the way you did.

You might hold grudges towards me…but what did I honestly do that was so wrong for you to put so much grief on my heart.

I spoke out of anger…I spoke out of depression…I admit that.

The pain you put me through…I don’t know if I could ever fully recover from that.

I don’t understand you…you get hurt by others so easily and all you think about is revenge…but you have no idea how much more pain you put onto others.

You say you can’t help but break down sometimes…and you’re definitely right about that one. I can’t help it when the past is brought up about you. You honestly believe that I’m going to just sit there with no feelings when someone brings you up…

You’ve got some nerve…

The thing that hurts the most is that you gave up…not just on me, but us.

…you said I wouldn’t understand until I was in your shoes. But you don’t understand either unless you were in mine…

I still find it mind boggling that after so much, you just let everything go…

I honestly don’t know what to say to you anymore…
…I guess I wish you knew.

Chances.

What are the chances of seeing you at my school on a day that I don’t have class…?!

..you’ve got to be kidding me…

Those chances are so low.

1. I don’t have class on Thursdays.

2. A friend happens to have his class cancelled and asks me to hang out.

3. I ask where they want to eat and you happen to be standing right in front of the place we chose.

The last thing I needed was seeing you after so long…

Especially since we were just talking a couple of days ago…

What a coincidence…? :/